Was It All Just a Dream? Or a Fanfic? (or both...)
by Father Maxwell
Summary: Folken makes "special" coffe for Dilandau, and things go straight to heck. Rated for language, alcohol, and crossdressing ^^


Was It All Just a Dream? Or a Fanfic? (or both...)  
  
  
by: Dusk  
  
  
  
It all started when Folken decided to make coffee.   
  
Him and Dilandau were alone in Zaibach's floating fortress. Caffeine (and the liquid he kept in his "special" flask) was the only thing that kept him from losing his mind when he was around Dilandau. And tonight, since they were there alone, Dilandau was worse than usual.   
  
"Folken! Get me this! Folken! Throw this away! Folken! Does this dress make me look fat?" Folken mocked Dilandau as he poured coffee into cups for him and Dilandau. "Oops!" he said, as his small silver flask of vodka and ground-up caffeine pills fell out of his robe. Suddenly, he had an idea. Chuckling to himself, he poured half of the contents of the flask into Dilandau's cup, which, in the traditional spirit of Dilandau, had a picture of "his beautiful face" on it. He then poured the rest of the flask's contents into his own cup. "Hey, why not?" he figured. "Might as well get in on the fun too."  
  
"Oh, Diiiiiillyyyyyy-chaaaaaaan!" he called out as he carried the tray with the coffee cups out to Dilandau.   
  
"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT?!?!" Dilandau screamed.  
  
"I'm sorry Dilandau," Folken said, with an odd sort of half-smile. "Your coffee."  
  
Dilandau picked up the cup and dumped the coffee down his throat. "Mm! Delicious!" he declared, smacking his lips.  
  
Folken smiled to himself and quietly sipped his coffee, watching as Dilandau's cheeks began to get red, his eyes glazed over, and his speech began to slur.  
  
"Heeey Folken....Thish ish shome good shtuff....whatdidyaputinit?"  
  
"Just a little extra ingredient."  
  
-----30 minutes later-----  
  
"I WANNA BE THE VERY BEST! LIKE NO ONE EVERY WAS! TO CATCH THEM IS MY REAL TEST! TO TRAIN THEM IS MY CAUUUUUSEEE!" Yes, your worst fears have been confirmed, it's Folken and Dilandau (or "Dilly-chan" as he now likes to be called) drunk and singing the Pokemon song! GASP!  
  
But that wasn't all that wasn't right in Gaea....  
  
Somewhere far away, Merle was dressed in baggy pants, a tight playboy bunny tank top, and a backwards hat. And what's worse....she raps.  
  
"Word! I'm the cat, I be where it's at, when Allen eats Snickers yo he gets fat!"  
  
o.O Oh the horrors.  
  
Back at the floating fortress...  
  
"Yo! I'll tell you what I want what I really really want!"  
  
"So tell me what you want what you really really want!"  
  
"I wanna uh! I wanna uh! I wanna really really really wanna zig-a zig-AH!"  
  
Folken and Dilly have changed out of their normal Zaibach attire and now are dressed in minidresses and platform boots. Folken's attire is orange and purple polka dot, and Dilandau's is pink....BRIGHT pink!!!  
  
An innocent passerby gasps and says, "NO!"  
  
"Come on Folken! LET'S DO THE DANCE!!"  
  
Folken dances quite well in huge platforms (obviously, he's had some practice ^^), but Dilly, on the other hand, is having a hard time. "OUCH!" he screamed as he twisted his ankle and fell over....right down the huge flight of stairs that had just appeared out of nowhere.  
  
From somewhere on the stairs, Dilly can be heard. "I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!"  
  
Folken shrugged. "Oh well, I'm not much into the whole platform dancing thing anyway." He spun around in a circle and was magically dressed in....a kilt? Yes, a kilt, dancing shoes, and NOTHING ELSE!! MWA HA HA HA HA! "Come, Dragon Slayers! It's RIVERDANCE time!!"  
  
And so, the Dragon Slayers danced in out of nowhere and began jigging with Folken.   
  
Meanwhile, back in the screwed-up place where Merle was....  
  
  
Very pretty ballet music was playing. Van, dressed in a pink tutu and inhumanly shiny ballet slippers, danced gracefully out to the center of the stage. He was joined immediately by Allen, who was also dressed in a pink tutu and slippers. The two men danced to opposite sides of the stage. Van took off in a smooth, graceful jump, and landed in Allen's waiting arms. The music ended. Applause was heard from everywhere, even though Van and Allen are the only two people there. Well, except for Merle and Millerna, who are getting their rap on in the balcony.  
  
  
"My name's Princess Milly, I dress real silly, I wonder what happened to my homeboy Dilly..."  
  
From somewhere on the stairs, Dilly can be heard. "OUCH!!! DAMN PLATFORMS!!!"  
  
THUD.  
  
Dilly landed. He (very carefully) stood up, brushed himself off, and looked around. He was standing in an immense, pitch-black room. All of a sudden, a huge face appeared in the darkness above him.  
  
"PIKA PIKA!" bellowed the huge face which was, yep you guessed it, of Pikachu.   
  
"Oro...." Dilandau sweatdropped.   
  
However, God pushed Pikachu away. "Damn Pokemon...." he muttered. God cleared his throat. "Yes. Anyway...DILANDAU! YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN!"  
  
"Chosen? For what? AND MY NAME'S DILLY NOT DILANDAU DAMMIT!"  
  
"Right. Sorry, DILLY. As I was saying, YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO REPRESENT THE ZAIBACH EMPIRE IN THE MOST WATCHED AND WELL RESPECTED COOKING SHOW IN THE WORLD......IRON CHEF!"  
  
Dilly took a moment to consider this.  
  
"But....but why me? Why not Folken? He's a better cook than I could ever be. Man, he makes the best fruitcake..."  
  
God blinked, and thought to himself. "Yeah....no wonder you like fruitcake so much....NICE shoes."  
  
Dilly continued "But what if I don't want to go on Iron Chef?"  
  
God shrugged. "I don't know. Whatever you want, I guess.   
  
Dilly blinked. "Really?"  
  
"Well, yeah, I guess so...I mean...I can always get one of the Dragon Slayers to do it.  
  
"Well..okay." Dilly shrugged and began to walk away.  
  
"NOT SO FAST THERE!"  
  
Dilly turned around quickly which was not very easy considering his shoes. "But....you said I could go."  
  
"OOH NO. YOU'RE NOT GETTING OFF THAT EASY!"  
  
Dilly whimpered. "But..but you said..."  
  
"I KNOW WHAT I SAID! I AM GOD! YOU WILL RESPECT ME!" Lightening flashed. "NOW YOU STAY PUT MISSY AND LISTEN! YOUR PUNISHMENT IS AS FOLLOWS," God cleared his throat. "YOU ARE TO CONTINUE FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS. DURING THE TIME OF FALLING, YOU WILL HAVE TO WATCH EVERY SINGLE EPISODE OF BOTH DUBBED SAILOR MOON AND POKEMON!"  
  
Dilly couldn't believe it. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed.  
  
"GRR! I HATE PEOPLE WHO SCREAM THE SAME WORD FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME WITHOUT TAKING A BREATH IN MY PRESENCE! AND JUST FOR THAT...." God paused, hoping the pause was dramatic enough.   
  
To make the pause even more dramatic, we will now go to a commercial break.  
  
Hitomi - (who is dressed like Miss Cleo) Call me fer' ya free psychic readin today!  
  
(End dramatic pause)  
  
"YOU WILL ALSO HAVE TO WATCH THE DUBBED AND EDITED ESCAFLOWNE EPISODES!!!"  
  
Dilly got down on his knees and begged. "Please, God, no! No! Anything but that! Have some mercy, ple-e-e-e-e-e-se!"  
  
"STOP GROVELING! NOW YOU'RE REALLY TRIED MY PATIENCE! YOU WILL ALSO HAVE TO WATCH EVERY SINGLE DUBBED DRAGONBALL Z EPISODE! AND DUBBED DRAGONBALL! AND ALL THE DUBBED MOVIES!"  
  
Dilly sobbed. "I want my mommy!"  
  
God blinked. "Um...she's dead."  
  
This just made Dilly sob even more.  
  
God continuted. "AND WHAT'S WORSE...THERE'S NO BATHROOM ON THE STAIRS!"  
  
Dilly gasped, remembering how much of Folken's "special" coffee he had consumed. "DAMN YOU FOLKEN AND YOUR ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES!!!!!"  
  
God laughed evilly. Thunder boomed and lightening flashed all around. "Now, off you go!" The Hand of God (TM) came down from the sky and pushed Dilly down the stairs which have, again, appeared out of nowhere.   
  
"NOOOO! FOLKEN! MERLE! ALLEN! VAN! MILLY! ANYBODY! HELLLLLLLLP MEEEEEEE!!!!"  
  
  
Dilly suddenly jerked awake. To his utter relief, he was back in his bedroom in the floating fortress, wearing his favorite Jay Jay the Jet Plane pajama's. "Woah! You mean it was just a dream?"  
  
Dilly spied Folken passed out on the pink chaise lounge across the room, still wearing his kilt, shoes, and nothing else.   
  
Dilly sweatdropped. "Okay...so maybe not *all* of it was a dream."  
  
Dilly decided to try to get out of bed. But upon getting out he stepped on something sexy and muscular, which happened to be Allen, who was asleep on the floor next to Van. Both were still wearing their pink tutu's.  
  
Merle walked into the room, followed closely by "Milly".  
  
"Yo, you mofo's awake yet? This hood be buzzing with tha word on what happened here last night. Get a load a this." She picked up the remote and turned on the TV. A commercial featuring Miss Hitomi was on.  
  
"Ya wanna know about your future? Then call now! It's all in tha cards!"  
  
Merle started to rap. "What a f*cked up night, ain't nuttin went right Dilly met God and he fell down a flight (o stairs, yo)"  
  
Dilly groaned. "I will never sleep again."  
  
Suddenly, Dorkin, who was dressed in a pink bunny suit, hopped by the door. "Mornin', Dilly!"   
  
"You know, on second though..." Dilly grabbed his pillow and buried his head under it.  
  
From off in the distance, God laughed.  
  
  
  
-----END-----  
  
  
OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER - I don't own Escaflowne! Please don't sue me! I'm just a poor high school girl who doesn't even have enough money to buy a candy bar! Miss Cleo belongs to herself, God belongs to himself, dubbed Pokemon belongs to um...I forgot, dubbed Sailor moon belongs to DIC/Cloverway, dubbed Escaflowne belongs to Sunrise, methinks, and dubbed DB/DBZ belongs to Funimation. This story was based on a conversation I had with CloudyNight, she knows what she owns. But I own everything else, including everybody's outfits. ::sticks tongue out:: Including Allen's tutu!  
  
And, as usual, all flames will be used to burn Fuu in my backyard.  
  
  
  



End file.
